28.Jan.2014 “That’s an impossibility… at best!”

I just overheard the most excellent phrase being used:

“That’s an impossibility… at best!”

I’m going to use it the next time someone asks me to achieve the unachievable. “Can you build us a custom, mobile responsive, CMS-driven website with integrated social media ‘sharing’ functionality in a couple of months? Oh, and we need it available in 26 different languages”. Me: “That’s an impossibility… at best!”. lol

6.Dec.2013 10 Funniest Autocorrect FAILS

  • Hey are you almost ready?

    Yayy! 1 more beer then we’re lesbian

    Autocorrect!! Hahah!! Leaving!!!!!

  • My love for you is strong. I would buy you a casket if I could!

    *castle. I promise I meant castle.

    Emily?

    Hello?

  • So what color is the dress you picket out?

    Fuckweasel

    …and what color is that exactly?

    Fuchsia! hahaha

  • Happy Birthday to you!
    Happy Birthday to you!
    Happy Birthday dead husband!
    Happy Birthday to you!

    Thanks. I assume you meant “dear.”

  • Don’t think I’m weird, but I am sleeping with that shit you left in the bathroom :)

    WHAT?!?!?

    yea it smells like you and it makes me feel better when you’re not here!

    If you’re trying to be cute or funny it’s not working!

    ohhhhhhhh myyyyyyyy goddddddddd *****SHIRT

  • I’m a gangster. I’m a straight up G, the hampster life is the life for me.

    Been spendin’ most my life in the hamster paradise?

    Don’t make fun of me…

  • I heard mom was in hospital? Is she ok???

    She is okay now. I had to inject her with an EPIC penis

    Oh for Christ’s sake. EPI pen

  • Can you pick me up some more boobsicles

    No, I meant boobsicles

    boobsicles

    GOD DONKEY!

    So that’s 3 orders of boobsicles and a holy donkey. Anything else? :)

  • This morning I choked on goat and pissed my coffee

    LOL NO… I choked on TOAST and SPILLED my coffee… fuckin spell check

    I like the other one better!!

  • Whoo hoo! It’s Friday. Screw the gym! I’m getting pregnant tonight!

    Uh… Shouldn’t we talk about that first?

    HAHAHAHAHA Oh my god. I wrote pringles and it autocorrected it

    I almost had a heart attack

29.Nov.2013 Kanye vs Louis Vuitton – What a tool!

Kanye West vs Louis Vuitton

Kanye West, what a tool! He wanted the vice-president of Louis Vuitton in Paris to meet with him, (presumably to ask them for free stuff), and they declined, saying “I don’t understand why we need to meet with you?”. So Kanye goes on the radio and says:

“Everybody in New York City right now don’t buy any Louis Vuitton until after January. Now do you want to meet with me? Influence. They think that I don’t realize my power. They want to marginalize me.”

Do as I say, not as I do!

Meanwhile, as sales of Louis Vuitton continue to sore in New York City, hypocrite Kanye’s staff are spotted loading up his car with Louis Vuitton bags and suitcases. Kind of like a couple of weeks earlier when he accused the “Barneys” chain of racial profiling, (saying “That’s that broke n***a racism. Don’t touch anything in the store”), then was spotted shopping there a couple of days later…

“I’m gonna be bigger than Wal-Mart.” – Kanye

13.Nov.2013 Photos of abandoned places

Photos of abandoned places - Dan Marbaix

Photographer Dan Marbaix travels from city to city, exploring abandoned houses, asylums, churches, state buildings and more. He has been arrested over 20 times for trespassing, but refuses to give up his search for things that exist outside of the mundane. Here are some of his abandoned places.

12.Nov.2013 Harvest electricity from the air

harvest electricity from microwave signals

Scientists in North Carolina have found a way to capture microwave signals from the air around us, (satellite, mobile phone and wi-fi signals), and convert them into electricity, capable of powering a USB charger! This could eventually allow mobile phones to recharge themselves wirelessly, and people living in remote areas to harvest electricity from the air! More information on BBC’s technology news

1.Oct.2013 My Twitter-bots are roaming

My Twitter-bots are roaming

Having fun with Twitter. I have written 3 “twitter-bots” which are autonomously going around posting tweets and looking for followers. Have got about 50 followers on each so far, in the first 12 hours. WOOT!

Update 1st November: My Twitter-bots now have about 1000 followers each!

30.Jul.2013 Nominated for a Digital Communications Award

Nominated for Digital Communications Awards 2013

Today I learned that a website I built has been nominated for the 2013 Digital Communications Awards in Berlin! The European Digital Communication Awards, hosted by Quadriga University, honour outstanding achievement in the field of online communication.

The nominated website, UNHCR’s 1 Family campaign was designed by Edelman public relations and built by me. It’s been shortlisted along with two other websites in the category of “Digital Public Affairs”.

The winners will be announced at a swanky Gala Ceremony on September 20th, at Berlin’s luxurious BESL Meistersaal. Very cool to have been nominated!

BESL Meistersaal, Berlin

29.Jul.2013 “WiFi makes me lightheaded…”

WiFi makes me lightheaded

I just read a “news” story about a woman calling for WiFi-free zones, because she “feels lightheaded whenever she is within range of a wireless network“.

In the reader’s comments, amidst all the scientists pointing out that WiFi signals are only 200 mw compared to 1,500 mw for cell phones, and that the total amount of power used by WiFi could be provided by one AAA battery compared to 1,500,000 milliwatts through your kettle, and endless jokes about tinfoil hats, etc, one reader just wrote:

“I have a theory for why her head feels so light…”

Hahaha…

5.Jun.2013 Al Murray’s “Only Way Is Epic” tour

Al Murray's Only Way Is Epic tour

My brother and I managed to catch Al Murray (The Pub Landlord) “Only Way Is Epic” tour in Geneva, and sat in the Front Row! He was very great, but the night was all but spoiled by “Scottish Colin” in the second row who just didn’t get self-parody!

Of course Great Britain is “great”, the clue’s in the f#€%ing title! I mean, the asylum seekers aren’t stopping in France, are they?

I love Americans because you’re dreamers, aren’t you? You’ve got that “American Dream”! We don’t have a dream in Great Britain, there’s no “British Dream”. Not because we lack some sort of sense of moral purpose, a sense of guiding destiny taking us towards a greater tomorrow, no. It’s because we’re AWAKE! It’s that simple…

29.Jan.2013 Lance Armstrong – How many?

Lance Armstrong - How many?

When I’m feeling down, I just remind myself that I have as many Tour De France wins as Lance Armstong, and twice as many testicles!

13.Dec.2012 Mine’s smaller than yours! (computers, that is…)

Raspberry Pi

Just got my Raspberry Pi, it’s a pocket-sized PC, the size of a credit card, with BluRay quality 1080p HDMI out, 512Mb RAM, 2 USB ports and a network connection. Now I’ve just got to figure out what to do with it?!

1.Dec.2012 Demotivational Poster: Paedophile Michael Jackson

Paedophile Michael Jackson Jailed

The Independent: Paedophile who changed his name to Michael Jackson jailed

“Motivational Posters” are the kind commonly found in schools and corporate offices, designed to inspire people to achieve more or think differently. Over the years, they have been repeatedly parodied, and “Demotivational Posters” have become an Internet meme, juxtaposing banal optimism with comical pessimism. Here are some of my favourites demotivational posters.

30.Nov.2012 Demotivational Poster: J-Lo’s Epic Flag Fail

J-Lo's Epic Flag Fail

“Motivational Posters” are the kind commonly found in schools and corporate offices, designed to inspire people to achieve more or think differently. Over the years, they have been repeatedly parodied, and “Demotivational Posters” have become an Internet meme, juxtaposing banal optimism with comical pessimism. Here are some of my favourites demotivational posters.

19.Oct.2012 Who needs logic when we’ve got Imperial measurements?

two-by-four

Not content with basing the whole system on the size of arbitrary body parts such as thumbs, hands and feet, or on how much land your ox could plough in a day, instead of, say, a universal counting system (Mathematics), today I learned this about standard Imperial measurements for wood (lumber):

Standard lumber sizes such as a “two-by-four” are not actually two inches by four inches at all! A “two-by-four” measures one and a half inches by three and a half inches, a “one-by-four” measures three-quarters of an inch by three and a half inches, whilst “five-quarter” boards actually measure four-quarters of an inch, (or 1 for those of us who don’t shun mathematics).

Like I say, who needs logic when we’ve got the Imperial measurement system?

I’m off to measure my thumb again… boom boom.

10.Oct.2012 Arsonists petrol-bombed my street!

Arsonists Petrol-bombed Vidollet

Last night, arsonists petrol-bombed the apartment block opposite ours in Vidollet! We were woken up at 3am by the sound of breaking glass, explosions and shouting, followed by flames and fire engines. And Geneva used to be such a nice place to live…