Coronation Street star Jack P Shepherd who plays David Platt on the show, is lesser known for his other starring role, the face of Poundland, Europe’s biggest single price discount retailer. Last year on average, he opened a new Poundland Store every eight weeks and four days. He also sticks around afterwards “to sign autographs and give away Poundland vouchers”. Classy.
Among all of the story books my parents read to me as a child, one that really captured my imagination and always stuck with me was, “Pierre: A Cautionary Tale in Five Chapters and a Prologue“, (better known as “I don’t care, said Pierre”).
The book, by the American children’s writer and illustrator Maurice Sendak, (best known for his book “Where the Wild Things Are”, 1963), came as part of a miniture “Nutshell Library”, along with three other books by same author; “Chicken Soup with Rice”, “One was Johnny”, (a counting book) and “Alligators all Around”, (a alphabet book).
PROLOGUE
There was once a boy named Pierre
who only would say, “I don’t care!”
Read his story, my friend,
for you’ll find at the end
that a suitable moral lies there.
CHAPTER I
One day his mother said
when Pierre climbed out of bed
“Good morning, darling boy,
you are my only joy.”
Pierre said, “I don’t care!”
“What would you like to eat?”
“I don’t care!”
“Some lovely cream of wheat?”
“I don’t care!”
“Don’t sit backwards in your chair.”
“I don’t care!”
“Or pour syrup on your hair.”
“I don’t care!”
“You are acting like a clown.”
“I don’t care!”
“And we have to go to town.”
“I don’t care!”
“Don’t you want to come, my dear?”
“I don’t care!”
“Would you rather stay right here?”
“I don’t care!”
So his mother left him there.
CHAPTER II
His father said, “Get off your head
or I will march you up to bed!”
Pierre said, “I don’t care!”
“I would think that you could see”
“I don’t care!”
“Your head is where your feet should be!”
“I don’t care!”
“If you keep standing upside down”
“I don’t care!”
“We’ll never get to town.”
“I don’t care!”
“If only you would say, I care.”
“I don’t care!”
“I’d let you fold the folding chair.”
“I don’t care!”
So his parents left him there.
They didn’t take him anywhere.
CHAPTER III
Now as the night began to fall
a hungry lion paid a call.
He looked Pierre right in the eye
And asked him if he’d like to die.
Pierre said, “I don’t care!”
“I can eat you, don’t you see?”
“I don’t care!”
“And you will be inside of me.”
“I don’t care!”
“Then you will never have to bother”
“I don’t care!”
“With a mother and a father.”
“I don’t care!”
“Is that all you have to say?”
“I don’t care!”
“Then I’ll eat you, if I may.”
“I don’t care!”
So the lion ate Pierre.
CHAPTER IV
Arriving home at six o’clock
his parents had a dreadful shock!
They found the lion sick in bed
and cried, “Pierre is surely dead!”
They pulled the lion by the hair.
They hit him with the folding chair.
His mother asked, “Where is Pierre?”
The lion answered, “I don’t care!”
His father said, “Pierre’s in there!”
CHAPTER V
They rushed the lion into town.
The doctor shook him up and down
and when the lion gave a roar
Pierre fell out upon the floor.
He rubbed his eyes and scratched his head
and laughed because he wasn’t dead.
His mother cried and held him tight.
His father asked, “Are you alright?”
Pierre said, “I am feeling fine
please take me home, it’s half past nine.”
The lion said, “If you would care
to climb on me, I’ll take you there.”
Then everyone looked at Pierre
who shouted, “Yes, indeed, I care!”
The lion took them home to rest
and stayed on as a weekend guest.
The moral of Pierre is: CARE!
The Swiss might have been late to the table when it came to giving women the vote, (1971), but they are certainly no strangers to democracy, holding national referendums on just about every conceivable decision.
So it should come as no great surprise, I guess, that a new Swiss political party calling itself the Anti-PowerPoint Party, is proposing a national referendum to have Microsoft’s presentation software PowerPoint banned from Switzerland!
It is estimated that 11 percent of Swiss people have to attend a PowerPoint presentation, (with a minimum of 10 other people), at least twice a week, at a cost to the country of 2.1 billion Swiss Francs, (about $2.5 billion), of economic loss each year. They also add that 85 percent of people find these presentations demotivating.
But what may be even more surprising than those figures is that the Anti-PowerPoint Party (APPP), who see themselves as advocates of approximately 250 Million people worldwide, only need to collect 100,000 signatures in order to hold a national referendum on banning PowerPoint and other similar presentation software in Switzerland!
Where do I sign?…
New and unsettling facial animation technology that creates a variety of expressions from a single image… developed by those clever Japanese guys at MotionPortrait.
Move your mouse around her head…
Poor little Justin Bieber, those nasty people from the Interwebs just won’t stop circulating baseless and derogatory rumors about the 16 year old ‘Baby’ star on an almost daily basis.
So far the list of rumours, ranging from the absurd to the downright obscene, include getting arrested for swearing at the Police (6 June), dying – for the 3rd time (12 June), acquiring syphilis from a hooker (14 June), breaking his neck (15 June), bribing Chris Johnson to cover up the syphilis (16 June), really being only 12 years old (July 4), making a sex tape with Kim Kardashian (18 June), becoming pregnant (21 June), his mother posing topless in Playboy (24 June), being a hermaphrodite (25 June), and having his left testicle removed last week! It’s a wonder he finds time to sing!
Extracts from “I Hate the French”, a satirical comedy song written by Richard Curtis and performed by Howard Goodall, live during Rowan Atkinson’s 1980 UK tour.
They all wear berets and they’re all called “Jacques”,
They even steal from us the words they lack:
“le Weekend”, “le Camping” and “Cul-de-sac”,
That’s why I hate the French…They bake their bread in such a naughty shape,
They brag about their wine, and worship the grape,
They criticise our food but then they eat “Crêpe”!
That’s why I hate the French…And now they’ve started coming here in droves,
“French cigarettes”, “French letters”, and “French clothes”.I’m sick and tired of eating all this “Brie”,
And I’ll be buggered if I go to “Gay Paris”!They’re pretty cocky ’bout their “games in the dark”,
They think with girls they light a “special spark”,
But look what the bastards did to Joan of Arc!
That’s why I hate the French…
“Flight Of The Conchords” are New Zealand comedy duo Bret McKenzie and Jemaine Clement, and sell themselves as “formerly New Zealand’s fourth most popular guitar-based digi-bongo acapella-rap-funk-comedy folk duo”. Their combination of witty observation, characterisation and acoustic guitar music has gained them a worldwide cult following. If you haven’t heard of them already, check them out.
Here are some of their funnier YouTube clips:
“Motivational Posters” are the kind commonly found in schools and corporate offices, designed to inspire people to achieve more or think differently. Over the years, they have been repeatedly parodied, and “Demotivational Posters” have become an Internet meme, juxtaposing banal optimism with comical pessimism. These are some of my favourites:
Geek Humour – Because no one else gets your jokes anyway.
“Motivational Posters” are the kind commonly found in schools and corporate offices, designed to inspire people to achieve more or think differently. Over the years, they have been repeatedly parodied, and “Demotivational Posters” have become an Internet meme, juxtaposing banal optimism with comical pessimism. These are some of my favourites:
The Cops – Somebody should call them…
I am a British web designer and developer, working for the United Nations out in Geneva, Switzerland, where I live with my lovely wife Zoe.